Understanding Grace: A Lifelong Endeavor

Sometimes I long for the days of Bible college when theological terms were just words to be defined and knowledge to fill my head.  "What is 'grace'?" the professor would ask.  The hand of some know-it-all student would dart up and before the teacher could even call on him, he would shout out, "Unmerited favor."  Well then, that clears everything up.  Grace is unmerited favor.  That was easy enough.  Okay, not really because I have to admit that I was nearly theologically illiterate when I entered Bible school in the *ahem* mid nineties.  So when Mr. Know-it-all coughed out that answer, I sat in my seat scratching my head.  What the heck does that mean?  Unmerited favor?  Well, I think it's easy enough to explain.

Unmerited means unearned.  Favor is a blessing or something done out of good will.  Therefore grace is something done out of good will to someone that didn't earn such treatment.  Ahh, I think I finally understood.  I deserve hell but God gives me heaven as an act of grace.  I deserve to die but God gives me new life as a result of grace.  I was quickly catching on and before long you could catch me waxing this theology with a slightly impressed group of high school kids that I taught in Sunday School.  I puffed out my chest and pretended to understand grace - it's a wonder that definition did not melt in the midst of the hot air flowing from my mouth.  In all fairness, I was just excited that I finally understood some abstract theology.  However, it's easy to think that you understand grace if you don't believe you have any major flaws in life.  It's only when you look in the mirror and see a broken sinner that grace begins to baffle you.  I know it baffles me.

Sometimes it's difficult to look that depraved creature on the other side of the mirror in the face.  You know that many people encounter that face throughout the day but you are the only one that can look this fallen being in the eyes and know the hurt behind them.  My selfishness disappoints people daily.  If you have not been disappointed in me, that's because you don't know me well enough.  If only I could take back words.  If only I could have do-overs. If only there was grace for me.  Ah, but I remember what I learned in Bible college, I remember that there is grace for me.  I remember now singing a hymn that said, "Grace, grace, God's grace/ Grace that is greater than all our sin."  Well there it is: God's grace covers my failures.  Nice.  Okay, I know what you are thinking: "Grace is good, but don't abuse it," as if this was something that they came up with on their own.  Actually, Paul says this in Romans 6:1-2:

What shall we say then? Are we to continue in sin that grace may abound?  By no means! 

How can we who died to sin still live in it? 

So here's the dichotomy: You get free refills on your prescription of grace though you shouldn't make yourself sick just to take the prescription.  Is grace merely a safety net or a backup plan to the ongoing work of sanctification?  That would be a very finite way of looking at it, I guess.  I think really the problem in understanding grace stems from the baggage that we bring into our relationship with God.  Once again, our finite minds seek to dumb God down to our level.

Grace is not a backup plan or a safety net.  It is a byproduct of the unconditional love of God.  It displays His patience and forgiveness.  In His patience, He does not remove grace when we once again fail Him.  In His forgiveness, He gives us what we did not earn.  His grace should inspire us to live godly, not to take advantage of it.  We can rest assure that His grace is enough though it should never be a license to sin.

With all that said, I still struggle with the idea of grace.  I have a hard time wrapping my head around God's character.  I keep asking why? and although I get an answer, I follow up the answer with another why?  It's interesting that while I was in college, learning theology seemed to be the most important work in the kingdom at the time.  Some time after that in ministry, I began thinking that theology isn't really as important as I once thought.  However, now I'm beginning to finally meet those two ideas halfway as I see that learning theology is one of the most important things we can do in our lives.  I don't mean simply for the sake of head knowledge or so that we can verbal behead atheists with ease in a brainy debate (a weird image just came to mind, but I digress). Without sound theology, I would fall into despair as I reflect on my life.  I would not understand, nor would I be able to accept God's grace.

Perhaps I would intellectually understand this idea of unmerited favor if I were not so broken, so flawed.   However, it is because I am so broken and so flawed that I put my hope in God's grace.