We Are Not As Strong..... As We Think We Are

One of my absolutely favorite moments in Chicago Bulls history was courtesy of Scottie Pippen at the expense of New York Knick's center, Patrick Ewing.  To sum it up, Ewing jumped to block a Pippen dunk but Pippen jumped higher.  Ewing was strong but Pippen was stronger.  Ewing's giant wingspan stretched as far as it could reach to block the Bull's player but Scottie's will was stronger and with rim-rocking authority, he dunked over Ewing as the two collided in mid air.  For a second, it appeared that the two became one - like two meteors smashing into each other head on.  Ewing went crashing to the ground, finding himself on his back while Pippen pounced like a puma.  Pippen landed and proceeded to walk over Ewing as he taunted him.  Man, I love that story.  I can't wait till my kids are old enough to understand so that I can tell them that story every single night.  Or will I?  Now that I think of it, why do I love that story so much again?  Okay, now I'm a little nervous to investigate this.  I feel another Rich Mullins reference coming soon.  But before that, let me do some introspection here.  

God has really been working on my pride lately.  I feel like it's the theme of every sermon I hear, song I listen to, or literature I read.  I've begun to look at the way I live and realize that I think way too highly of myself.  The reality is, I would be wrong if I thought a little too highly of myself.  There is no good reason for me to think highly of myself at all.  That's not what I was taught growing up.

As I get older, I'm less than impressed by arrogant athletes.  I've been told by some younger than me that if you're good enough, then you have the right to be arrogant, the right to boast and bring glory to yourself.  Obviously, they've never read James 4 where he says, "God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble."  I know, I know, it's just sports.  Or is it?  Or can we just group all celebrities together and drop the gavel on them?  GUILTY!  Phew, most of us don't fall into the category of professional athlete, rock/pop/rap star, celeb, etc. so we feel somewhat exempt.  However, I've come to wonder if what we've witnessed on the silver screen, on youtube, or television is really a glorified presentation of what we are already feeling inside.  Or maybe it's what we want to feel inside.  We have the Pinky and the Brain syndrome because we want to rule the world.  At the very least, we want to rule our own lives.  We want to be the captains of our ships and we are told (or brainwashed from birth) to take life by the horns.  Is that so wrong though?  Should we not be driven?  Of course, but the real question is, "Who's the Driver?"

Remember the "God is my Co-Pilot" bumper sticker?  It sounds nice but it's based on a flawed premise: that we are flying the plane.  The crazy thing is that our actions prove that we believe this premise.  However, can I point us back to world history as evidence to the fact that when we steer the ship, we crash and burn and the casualties are always abundant?  I think Rich Mullins hit the nail on the head in his song, We Are Not as Strong, as We Think We Are.  He opens the song with these lyrics:

Well, it took the hand of God Almighty, to part the waters of the sea
But it only took one little lie, to separate you and me
Oh, we are not as strong as we think we are

This is what happens when man assumes the role of God.  We screw things up.  We perceive ourselves as strong when we are weak.  We boast of what we accomplished in this life when we are nothing and God does not need us.  We take credit for His works.  We want to make so much of ourselves in this life.  We want to win or die trying and if that is the case, we will always die trying because we do not even have the power to live.  Only God can be the source of life and strength.  If Rich Mullins' opening lyrics don't make an impact in your heart, examine his chorus:

We are frail, we are fearfully and wonderfully made
Forged in the fires of human passion, choking on the fumes of selfish rage
And with these our hells and our heavens, so few inches apart
We must be awfully small and not as strong as we think we are 

Paul says that we are jars of clay and that the only reason that we are not broken is because God is sustaining us...every breath.  Stronger men and women than us have died, many of them with unfinished business.  We are frail and created by our heavenly Father.  However, it is our passion and our sin that tainted us.  For when man strives to do what only God should do, we fall hard.  And when we fall, broken in pieces, it is there that we are reminded that we are awfully  small and not as strong as we think we are.

When you love you walk on the water
Just don't stumble on the waves
We all want to go there somethin' awful
But to stand there it takes some grace
'Cause oh, we are not as strong
As we think we are

I remember Audio Adrenaline's song that said, "If I keep my eyes on Jesus I can walk on water."  The problem in this is that it is difficult to keep my eyes on Jesus.  I get nervous with the waves around me or even worse when I start to look at myself and become impressed that I'm accomplishing such a feat.  I am so wretched.  I'm beginning to understand how truly amazing God's grace is to save someone like me.  I'm also starting to learn that walking with Jesus takes God's grace and not my will power or my talents.  God does not need me and because of that, I cannot take credit for anything good I've done.

Understanding Grace: A Lifelong Endeavor

Sometimes I long for the days of Bible college when theological terms were just words to be defined and knowledge to fill my head.  "What is 'grace'?" the professor would ask.  The hand of some know-it-all student would dart up and before the teacher could even call on him, he would shout out, "Unmerited favor."  Well then, that clears everything up.  Grace is unmerited favor.  That was easy enough.  Okay, not really because I have to admit that I was nearly theologically illiterate when I entered Bible school in the *ahem* mid nineties.  So when Mr. Know-it-all coughed out that answer, I sat in my seat scratching my head.  What the heck does that mean?  Unmerited favor?  Well, I think it's easy enough to explain.

Unmerited means unearned.  Favor is a blessing or something done out of good will.  Therefore grace is something done out of good will to someone that didn't earn such treatment.  Ahh, I think I finally understood.  I deserve hell but God gives me heaven as an act of grace.  I deserve to die but God gives me new life as a result of grace.  I was quickly catching on and before long you could catch me waxing this theology with a slightly impressed group of high school kids that I taught in Sunday School.  I puffed out my chest and pretended to understand grace - it's a wonder that definition did not melt in the midst of the hot air flowing from my mouth.  In all fairness, I was just excited that I finally understood some abstract theology.  However, it's easy to think that you understand grace if you don't believe you have any major flaws in life.  It's only when you look in the mirror and see a broken sinner that grace begins to baffle you.  I know it baffles me.

Sometimes it's difficult to look that depraved creature on the other side of the mirror in the face.  You know that many people encounter that face throughout the day but you are the only one that can look this fallen being in the eyes and know the hurt behind them.  My selfishness disappoints people daily.  If you have not been disappointed in me, that's because you don't know me well enough.  If only I could take back words.  If only I could have do-overs. If only there was grace for me.  Ah, but I remember what I learned in Bible college, I remember that there is grace for me.  I remember now singing a hymn that said, "Grace, grace, God's grace/ Grace that is greater than all our sin."  Well there it is: God's grace covers my failures.  Nice.  Okay, I know what you are thinking: "Grace is good, but don't abuse it," as if this was something that they came up with on their own.  Actually, Paul says this in Romans 6:1-2:

What shall we say then? Are we to continue in sin that grace may abound?  By no means! 

How can we who died to sin still live in it? 

So here's the dichotomy: You get free refills on your prescription of grace though you shouldn't make yourself sick just to take the prescription.  Is grace merely a safety net or a backup plan to the ongoing work of sanctification?  That would be a very finite way of looking at it, I guess.  I think really the problem in understanding grace stems from the baggage that we bring into our relationship with God.  Once again, our finite minds seek to dumb God down to our level.

Grace is not a backup plan or a safety net.  It is a byproduct of the unconditional love of God.  It displays His patience and forgiveness.  In His patience, He does not remove grace when we once again fail Him.  In His forgiveness, He gives us what we did not earn.  His grace should inspire us to live godly, not to take advantage of it.  We can rest assure that His grace is enough though it should never be a license to sin.

With all that said, I still struggle with the idea of grace.  I have a hard time wrapping my head around God's character.  I keep asking why? and although I get an answer, I follow up the answer with another why?  It's interesting that while I was in college, learning theology seemed to be the most important work in the kingdom at the time.  Some time after that in ministry, I began thinking that theology isn't really as important as I once thought.  However, now I'm beginning to finally meet those two ideas halfway as I see that learning theology is one of the most important things we can do in our lives.  I don't mean simply for the sake of head knowledge or so that we can verbal behead atheists with ease in a brainy debate (a weird image just came to mind, but I digress). Without sound theology, I would fall into despair as I reflect on my life.  I would not understand, nor would I be able to accept God's grace.

Perhaps I would intellectually understand this idea of unmerited favor if I were not so broken, so flawed.   However, it is because I am so broken and so flawed that I put my hope in God's grace.

The Only Reason

These are the lyrics to a song I wrote early in ministry and marriage, inspired by the story of the prophet Jonah:


The Only Reason

I ask why?
Every time I try
to not let foolish pride reside inside
of me I fail to rely
on You, my Sovereign King.
Break me like I'm clay so I am used.
I sing of Your grace.  Why do you
still love me, my Sovereign King?

You know where I've been
And You saw what I've done, no matter
You see past my sin
And see me as a son
You are the only reason
that I still stand

My Sovereign King,
I did not grow this plant.
So why do I make great demands?
Only Your grace lets me stand.

You know where I've been
And You saw what I've done, no matter
You see past my sin
And see me as a son
You are the only reason
that I still stand


Take me from the one I see
in the mirror looking back at me.
And make me like the One I see
submitting to death on a tree.
You make, You take, You break me.
You touch my heart and shake me.
You never forsake me, for Your love is infinitely
faithful no matter what I've done.

So thank You, Father thank You
Spirit thank You, Jesus thank You
Messiah thank You, Savior thank You
Redeemer thank You, My God thank You
Thank You


You know where I've been
And You saw what I've done, no matter
You see past my sin
And see me as a son
You are the only reason
that I still stand

If I Fall

Sometimes as I'm rolling down the dial on my swagger wagon (minivan) radio, I come across the top pop songs.  And while I would be personally embarrassed to ever associate my talents with music that sounds like the Black-eyed Peas, Lady Gaga, or Katy Perry, I can understand why they are so popular.  Though their music offers virtually no food for thought and lacks the creative signature of a true musician, the beats are bangin' and the melodies are catchy.  It's shallow but hey, it sells.  And if you don't like it, just stick to Christian music.  It's a good thing we Christians produce the most in depth music known to mankind.  <--Insert Sarcasm Here.  Okay, okay, let me start over.


Sometimes - I mean once in a while - okay, rarely do I ever turn the dial to a Christian pop music station but when I do I would be personally embarrassed to ever associate my talents with music that sounds like many of the artists that I hear.  Though their music offers virtually no spiritual depth and lacks the creative signature of a true musician, and the beats are often mediocre and sometimes you may remember the melody (highly doubt it), for some reason it sells.  It is when I hear music like this that I truly miss the late Rich Mullins, a man that was not only a genuine musician and sincere songwriter, but in many ways the personification of humility.


Rick Warren recently tweeted: "It takes at least a decade of real ministry for God to rid us of the arrogance we develop in college & seminary."  As soon as I read that, I said "Amen!" in my heart because I read in my work office and by yelling out randomly, I may cause seizures or heart attacks.  It's funny that Pastor Warren mentioned this because I couldn't be feeling more inadequate in my life.  [Do not insert encouragement here] And no, I am not writing this for a self-esteem lift from others.  My arrogance does not need massaging.  Few people need to puffed up in this manner.  I guess what I mean is that as I reflect on the first ten years of ministry as a youth pastor, I have found that I still have much to learn.  Those that use youth ministry as a stepping stone to a senior pastorate position have barely scratched the surface of youth ministry.  And the moment I feel like I'm starting to get a handle on youth ministry, the culture changes and the youth graduate and a whole new batch of youth sit before and the cycle continues.  And then once again, I feel as if I have become a youth pastor for the first time all over again.  Wow, I haven't even begun to talk about Rich Mullins yet.


Well, Rich Mullins was a man that I believe understood human frailty and our desperate need for an involved God in our lives.  People idolized Mullins and yet his music reflected that of an unworthy vessel. Perhaps the Lord took him because his music would soon become culturally irrelevant in this narcissistic society that has infected the church with its poison.  Rich Mullins' music always took the focus off of him and put it on God.


One song that has always resonated with me is If I Stand.  "So if I stand let me stand on the promise that you will pull me through.   And if I can't, let me fall on the grace that first brought me to You.  And if I sing let me sing for the joy that has born in me these songs. And if I weep let it be as a man who is longing for his home"

The longer you live, the more difficult life becomes and the more meaningful this song becomes.  Notice the word "If."  There is no bold statement here - only a humble and broken man of God.  Even Rich Mullins understood that there was no reason for boasting if found himself standing, because a closer examination would reveal that the source of his power to stand was God promise to sustain him.  And it is God's promises that keep me going every day.  Does this mean that God will work out all the difficult situations in my life?  Perhaps life never becomes easier, however eternity with my Savior has been made secure.  That promise alone gives me the strength to carry on.

However, there are days when falling seems like the only possibility - as if some invisible magnet is pulling me off a cliff.  I try to do things in my own strength and find that I am not adequate to do so.  Just as a person free falling has no control, I sometimes find my life spinning out of control.  I am sure that I will shatter into a million shards as I come crashing down.  The solid footing I once trusted betrayed me and gravity reeled me in like a marlin and yet when I landed, I did not break.  For a brief moment, I wanted to gloat as if I were unbreakable until I noticed that I was not on the ground but in the hands of God's grace.  As I rest in His hands, all that I can do is weep as a man longing for his home.